Suicide Note For Tapas

Well we won some national awards. But no one bothered to congratulate us. Typical.

A lot of coaxing later managed to get our NPH Tapas to write a mail. He wrote a funny one. To this, I replied with a Suicide note. Here it is...

SUICIDE NOTE 

This is to inform all those concerned, or otherwise that we are being compelled to take this extreme step out of sheer shame thrust upon us by a mail. We mean a Mail sent by a Male, who happens to be our Senior Vice Boss (We know we are a non-hierarchical organisation, still dying men have few liberties).

Before dying, we would like to convey our deepest regrets at not having won any prize at the ABBY’s. We now empathise with the original loser Abby Baby (its a different thing people said Amitabh tum Amar Raho, and pop came Amar Singh...rest, as they say, is Fucture).

Back to the suicide note.

The mail from our SVB has made us feel worthless leading us to believe that there is not enough space for listless losers like us, hence we are committing suicide. We have four different options,

Hanging to death (Heard we obtain Dhan n Joy)

Jumping into the New Narmada Canal (will eventually meet the Arabian sea, as desired by our SVB)

Consuming poison (Mallika Sherawat is such an item)

Simply jumping off a building (Nothing important worth writing)

Between the four of us we will amicably decide which form to embrace or else die fighting over the same. Though Chirag has a better idea (he always has the best of them), he wants to get married (that’s suicide enough, albeit a slow one).

Right then, do forgive us for all the troubles/shame we may have knowlingly/unknowingly caused to you.

We intend to commit our act over this weekend (so, we do not waste a CL).

Sales folks, please submit all your Production Requisition forms latest by Friday 3 pm, we will not entertain any last minutes on this.

Admin, we would not be punching in our presence so kindly note our absence.

Rajesh/Hitesh, we are seeking a 3 to 3.5 in our appraisal, for god’s sake (or else we will complain to him) please accept it. Give us a good increment, please consider our entire year’s achievements and disregard our ABBY’s failure (else, will haunt you in Mumbai too).

Lalit Jetley (Specifically) we will write your name in the Suicide note with our SVB’s mail as attachment.

Finally, always remember, for every small appraisal, there is a far bigger and higher Upraisal, which we, the ABBY losing production team of Ahmedabad intend to acquire, and some day all of you will have to face. See you there soon, in the best of your spirits.

Signed

Chirag Tripathi                                                 Anshuman Dave

Unmarried. Seeking Brahmin,Beautiful                Engaged, Seeking a way out.

Brides call 9898426564                                                 

Kirit Patel                                                         Jignesh Vasavada

Married. Seeking a Pouch, any brand                Married (half the world knows it by now).
as long as it has tobacco.                                                 

PS

In case you want names of your subordinates added to this suicide note please send them across with a draft of Rs 5000 per name in favour of `The Under Tower Productions’ payable at Ahmedabad.

Broadcasting rights and other branding facilities at venue will be discussed separately. (Gujjus that we are, will make an event out of the whole thing)